First Take: Gamer- not so happy new year after all

As the festive season reaches its conclusion, here’s a classic rant from the archives to keep you all going until the new reviews return next week- while this 2009 film isn’t that well known, it really got me angry alright.

SYNOPSIS:

In a future mind-controlling game, death row convicts are forced to battle in a ‘Doom’-type environment. Convict Kable, controlled by Simon, a skilled teenage gamer, must survive thirty sessions in order to be set free. Or won’t he?

Oh boy, when I seen this film as part of the science fiction module I do at uni, I knew I had to write a piece on this film. Showing gaming on the big screen is difficult- just look at every adaptation of a major console property ever- but this, well, is the worst of the worst. There is so much going on from this film, that I simply say this: put on the music from Barry Lyndon (a classical suite- Sarabande by Handel) as you read this, because I feel a proper radio show style rant on the way.

Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (the creators of the Crank films) write and direct this piece of trash, and believe me, that’s the best way I can describe their pacing and script- clocking in at 1 hour 35 minutes, you’d think that it would be the perfect length for a film like this- nope. Not with the amount of awful dialogue, and gore that is just for the sake of gore. The cinematography from 

Ekkehart Pollack is decent, the music from Rob Williamson and Geoff Zanelli ain’t memorable in the slightest, and don’t get me started on the shameless nudity in this film- none of it makes any sense whatsoever.

Performance wise, Gerard Butler is really phoning it in. Seriously. I don’t know how he got offered this film. You also have Ludacris, Michael C. Hall, Kyra Sedgwick (Kevin Bacon’s wife), Terry Crews and Logan Lerman as the supporting cast. There is simply nothing of note AT ALL about this film, and watching this with the Great Men and Women of UCLan’s Film, Media and Popular Culture course made the experience more enjoyable- because this film is just pure unbridled banter. And that is bad.

THE VERDICT

I can’t even. I literally can’t even. It’s up there with Nine Lives in terms of the mediocrity stakes, and that is really saying something- I’d much rather play board games like 7 Wonders than watch this piece of crap again.

RATING: 2/5